What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
16.06.2025 01:59
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
She found it foreign!.
What 10 things have you stopped doing in your life?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I waited trembling.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
We all went to grammer schools
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Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
What do you do when your family doesn’t care about you?
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
How many trans people are lawful gun owners?
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Would this be the day?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Why do people always talk about Ohio as it's a dangerous city?
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
And i lived it daily.
Why do narcissists devour so much sugar (candy, ice cream, donuts, etc., in huge amounts at a time)?
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
My life is so biszare .
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Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Was to survive, this bastard.
I was scared of men, in general
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
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Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Put me off passion for life!!
Why would a girl not want you to know she has a crush on you?
She wouldn,t have been !
I was very sick at this time too.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Why do some children hate their parents?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
I know ,a lot about trauma.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
But, we were locked up after school.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
So whats the point in blame.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
But it wasn’t much.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
One cannot live in the past .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
(And it was in our own minds.)
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I have no regrets .
I don,t even have a pension.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He resisted the act ,that day.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
All the time i was locked up.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I write beautiful poetry .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I was 9 years of age.
Who then, do I blame.?
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Comes on , in middle age.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
This is soul school!.
We were not on the streets..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
When she asked me how she looked .
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
My family never makes their pension either.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
As i do to all so called friends.?
So, i spoilt her more .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Im still living with it.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
Especially a lifetime of it.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Why did i forgive my father ?
I never cut or harmed myself..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
She loved him until the end.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She was in good health!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I will be 64.
He knew the spot.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Ive learnt so much.
She married twice! .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
It was going to be , some day.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I said to her
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I could never make a relationship work though!
What did i know ?
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I think the readers, may guess!
I was seconnd youngest,